The parsha starts with parshas bikurim and then continues with bi’ur maasros. Both require a declaration. Bikkurim has the declaration of “arami oved avi” and bi’ur maasros has the declaration of “bi’arti hakodesh min habayis.” These are very different declarations. Bikkurim is a shevach to Hashem for saving us and giving us the land and the produce. Bi’ur maasros is a declaration of how we’ve fulfilled our obligations to give maasros. Very different, and yet Chazal tag both of them with the name Vidui. The term vidui is familiar to us from vidui chata’im, confessing our sins, but what does vidui have to do with praising Hashem and fulfilling our obligations? And usually vidui is for confessing you’ve done something wrong, yet here, just the opposite – I’m patting myself on the back for doing everything right – “asisi c’asher tzivisani!” So why are we calling these vidui?
This is not the only place Chazal lump two disparate ideas together under the same “vidui” title.
The Medrash says that Adam Harishon said “Tov l’hodos LaHashem” after learning of the power of Vidui. What does Vidui and l’hodos have to do with each other? “l’hodos” is thanking Hashem, and vidui is confession of sin. What’s the connection?
The Gemara says that when Hashem told Moshe about vidui on Korbanos, that inspired Moshe to say “mizmor l’soda.” Again, mizmor l’soda is a praise of Hashem, thanking Him. What does that have to do with vidui, confession of sins?
Also, Chazal say because Leah said Hoda’ah to Hashem, that’s why Yehuda is “hodeh, v’lo bosh.” Again, Chazal are linking confession and hoda’ah. What’s the connection?
To explain, let’s start with what Chazal say about Hoda’ah.
Chazal say “from the time of creation there was no person who thanked Hashem until Leah came and thanked Him” when she said “הפעם אודה את ה.” How’s that possible? The Avos didn’t praise Hashem? Avraham avinu? Yitzchak and Yaakov avinu? Never praised Hashem? What do Chazal mean that Leah was the first?
The answer is that Hoda’ah is not just praise or a conventional “thank you.” It’s a recognition that I have no right or claim to that which you have given me.
L’mashal: If I do someone a favor, and I don’t charge them for it, but they come back to me and give me a gift and say thank you – I certainly have no legal claim to say they owed me the gift, but there’s a small claim I can make internally that I deserve the gift. It’s not a legal payment, but there was some aspect of that gift that wasn’t 100% a gift, but a tiny degree of repayment for my favor. I have gratitude, but it’s not a full measure of hoda’ah.
But if someone gives me a gift out of the blue, and I did absolutely nothing to deserve it, then there’s no sense of “this is mine,” or “this is due to me,” but rather the opposite, “it’s not mine, it’s yours!” I have something of yours in my possession. That is Hoda’ah.
Just like Hoda’as Bal Din. I am admitting I have something of yours in my possession, I have no claim to it.
Leah imeinu was the first to give Hoda’ah. To everyone else the goodness HKBH sent them could be viewed as a tiny degree of schar, or repayment for their avodah. Even though the Avos clearly recognized everything is from Hashem, but there could be a tiny sense that it’s was earned due to their avodah.
Even Leah imeinu didn’t say Hoda’ah by her first three kids. It was only the 4th child that triggered hoda’ah. The reason is there was a sense of entitlement that each of Yaakov’s wives would have three children, an equal share of the 12 shvatim. When Leah had her 4th child it was recognized as this is beyond my due share – there was no sense of entitlement – and that is when true Hoda’ah is recognized.
Let’s plug this into vidui chata’im.
When we look at the steps of tshuva – charata, azivas ha’chet, vidui – we feel vidui is the easiest part. Just simply say a few words. The hard stuff – charata, azivas ha’chet – that requires real avodas halev, those must be the ikkar parts of teshuva. However, when you look at hilchos teshuva in the Rambam, the main emphasis is on vidui. Why?
When a person does an aveira and wants to avoid guilt, they can deny it. But if they got caught, they will still try to wiggle out of it with excuses of why they were justified.
L’mashal: If you are in your own house and making noise, and your neighbor knocks on your door to complain you’re being too loud – you feel bad, but there’s a part of you that says that you’re not 100% wrong. You have your right to make noise, they have their right to peace and quiet – why should their rights trump yours?
But lets say you’re a guest in someone else’s house, then all the sudden every little misstep is full of apologies. “Sorry if I made too much noise, sorry if I didn’t tidy up, sorry if I was in your way.” Why are you full of apologies? Do you act worse as a guest than you do in your own home? Mistama you act better! So why are you full of apologies? The answer is that as a guest you realize “I have no claim, no rights to do anything. Everything was a gift, granted to me from the ba’al haBayis.”
That’s the challenge of vidui. We’re not denying we did an aveira, that’s silly. The real challenge is saying I’m not the baal habayis where I can determine what I can and cannot do. Deep down, every person wants to be the ba’al HaBayis over their rights and obligations. To say I have no say over my rights, I have no ba’alus to justify what I did – Hashem determines what I can and cannot do in every aspect of my existence – that’s crux of vidui.
Every vidui is moving you from the sense that you have rights and ba’alus to a recognition you don’t!
Let’s return to our questions:
What is the relationship between vidui and hoda’ah? The answer is both are the person’s declaration that I’m not the ba’al in this arena, and anything I have is from Hashem.
The Omek of lashon hakodesh is incredible! Vidui and Hoda’ah have the same shoresh – Yud, daled, Heh. The action of the word Yud, Daled, Heh is either L’Hodos or L’Hisvados. They’re both the same declaration that what you have is another’s and not yours. You can express it in different directions, either outward toward the other, or inward toward yourself. When it’s the outward expression then it’s l’hodos. When it’s the inward, reflexive, expression it’s l’hisvados. But it’s the same declaration that you’re not the ba’alim.
We asked how can we call vidui maasros a vidui when we’re patting ourselves on the back for doing everything right? The answer is vidui is not just what you did wrong. It’s a declaration of your ownership – or rather lack of ownership – of the fruit of your labor. By your labor there’s a strong sense of “this is mine.” Even when you give it away there’s a sense of “I’ll give a portion of my stuff to tzedakah.”
L'mashal: When giving tzedakah, there’s the amount you give willingly, and if they ask for more, there’s the amount that you are okay extending yourself to, but when they keep asking you get upset. “It’s not your money, it’s my money. I’m already giving, I’m already going lifnim m’shuras haDin. I have a right to keep something for myself, don’t I? What right do they have to demand this from me?”
These perspectives are off the mark. If you view tzedaka as lifnim m’shuras hadin – that sentiment is a hafka’ah of vidui. Vidui is the recognition that that what you have is not an entitlement. It was kol koolo a matana from Hashem. “Lecha Hashem Hagedula, Hagevurah, ki CHOL bashamyim u’va’aretz! I have no right to it, it’s all Yours!
L’inyaneinu: That which you’ve been doing from birth, there’s no resistance, it comes easy. Like getting dressed in the morning, or eating with a fork and knife. That’s not our struggle for avodah.
But when you become a ben-aliya, you’re going past your current zone, that’s when the struggle of Avodah kicks in. And the struggle is not necessarily doing the motions, and overcoming laziness, or overcoming ta’avah. The struggle is deeper than that. Deep down there’s an unwillingness to do Avodas Hashem because you want a space that’s yours, where you’re the ba’al habayis, where Hashem can’t make His demands.
And we hear HKBH’s demands. He wants the morning for davening, He wants the day for Talmud torah, He wants the money for chessed, He wants the ta’avos for kedusha. Every single thing? Let me live a life!
And we know He wants it all: “lo pasak puma m’girsa” “אִם יִתֵּן אִישׁ אֶת כָּל הוֹן בֵּיתוֹ בָּאַהֲבָה בּוֹז יָבוּזוּ לוֹ Everything? Give me at least my own daled amos! When Adam sinned he hid from Hashem, not that he thought Hashem couldn’t see him, but he just wanted a space apart from Hashem.
No one says this out loud. We think “I’ll give a little more here, a little more there, but everything? Is there nothing that I have for myself? Nothing?
True vidui only comes from a sense of hoda’ah. “ki CHOL bashamayim u’va’aretz, lecha Hashem.” That’s the avodah of this season and it’s a life’s avodah.
If you can sincerely recognize and declare that you’re not the ba’alim, but Hashem is; When you’re no longer bothered by HKBH’s demands, but aderaba, “ki heim chayeinu.” When you no longer want your own daled amos without Hashem, but aderaba, You want to be in His presence always. “Es panecha Hashem avakesh” “Modeh ani l’fanecha” Tamid. Then there’s a simcha in your vidui. Then you realize “Tov L’hodos L’Hashem.”